Im at strip club and am horny
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
