arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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