literally had 100 drinks last night.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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