After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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