i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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