508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
