If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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