I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
