I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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