I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
