Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
