Whatcha textin bout Willis?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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