So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
