Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I want to stick my p in your. b.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
