he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
