She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
