I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
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