I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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