So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
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