Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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