I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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