I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
