the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
