And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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