Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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