so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you inspire me to be a worse person
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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