she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
