dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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