I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
