I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
