it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
