He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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