I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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