At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
