i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
two words: eviction party
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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