we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
