My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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