When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
