oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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