I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
