I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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