I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
