im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
