If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
