Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
