Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
