season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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