My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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