I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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