Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Panties = found
Randomize
