Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
